Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Officially The Worst Movie Ever Made

For those of you lucky enough not to of seen it Teeth (2007) is the worst movie I have ever seen. I am not sure how this movie has won awards, 2 to be exact, but this movie had me wanting to tear my eyes out.

The story starts off with a young girl and boy, around 7 yrs old, who have newly become step brother and sister sitting in an inflatable pool in the front yard whilst their parents are watching them argue. The movie then implies that the boy shows the litte girl his penis and then says "now you show me yours". The next part is some poor acting on the parents behalf as they run over to see that the boys finger has had the end cut off with no explanation.

The movie then fast forwards about 10 years where we learn that the boy is a drug addicted hard-ass who does nothing more than smoke weed and sleep with his girlfriend in his parents house and the girl is a spokesperson for no sex before marriage. 

We see the girl give a very unmotivating  speech to a young class about why saving the greatest gift of all, virginity for those of you who didn't know,  is the way god wants it. Whilst giving the speech she notices one of her fellow male virgins and from that moment on you know they are going to have sex. 

Sure enough after some more bad acting and about 50 mins into the movie we see them head into a lake and climb up into a cave where they conveniently find a blanket just waiting for them. After some kissing the girl decides she doesn't want to go through with it but the boy insists by holding her down and attempting to rape her. Here is where we find out what the movie is all about, yes I know 50 mins into the movie, her pussy has teeth. Yes Teeth! It bites down tearing off the guy penis leaving him gushing blood and running off into the water where we later find him dead.

The girl not overly concerned for a situation like this does some research and find the myth of the pussy with teeth. She decides to go to a gynecologist where he decides to try and moleste her by inserting his hand inside her and telling her it's ok. Sure enough the teeth strike again by biting down on his hand and cutting off his fingers.

Next she finds her Mom is dead and decides to go see a boy to happens to fancy her. Long story short they end up having sex and everything works out fine and the boy doesn't lose his genitals, until his phone rings whilst they are having sex and he lets the girl know he made a bet that he could get her into bed. Big mistake, without warning her tooth filled lady parts chomp down and leave him sitting there calling for his mommy.

Now, at this stage I though the movie couldn't get any worse but I was proven wrong. She finds out that whilst her mother was screaming for help in the house the step brother ignored her calls and continued to have sex with his girlfriend. So we also learn that the step brother has a crush on his sister and has always wanted to sleep with her so what do you think happens next? You guessed it, as revenge the girl sleeps with her brother and as he is inside her he has a flash back to when his finger got bitten off in the pool. Next thing you know his is missing his penis and she is standing there and drops it from her pussy.

Wow what a shit movie! Wait there is more! As the brother gets up to get his penis the dog runs in and eats it, yep sallow the whole thing! Wow finally the movie is over when we see her hitchhike with an old man, around 70 yrs old, into the night. As they pull up to a motel the old man starts licking his lips and the girl realizes the car doors are locked and she can't get out. You can guess what happens next.

Please don't watch this movie but if you have please leave a comment below letting me know what you think, did I miss something about this movie?

If you insist on watching this godforsaken film you can grab a copy for $2.99, yep that's how shit it is they are partically giving it away, from Amazon.

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